Consistency

 During my undergraduate years I made up my mind about my future career. I knew exactly what I wanted to do. With all of my heart I had made up my mind that all I would ever do would only revolve around and be along the path of what God has graced me to do. 

Perfectly enough, right now I am listening to my Pastor teach on "Consistency". The courage and focus to remain within the thing God has called me to do. That leads me to what I am about to say.

Last season I reluctantly had to sit out of my dance company's performance season. For now I will omit all of the details but in summation, my choice to sit out was as a result of following The leading of The Lord. During this past year there were a couple of instances I became tempted. I was tempted with the thought of veering away from the path God has set me on. In what way, you may ask? Mostly like me thinking of getting random, odd jobs. What's amazing is the one "odd" job I'd held during time away from my dance company was truly a means of provision. Imagine my surprise when I was literally, randomly fired without cause (LOL). It's funny now and it was funny then. Once I received that weird phone call of a random woman saying to me "you've been let go" I literally knew by The Spirit not only did I have nothing to worry about but God had approved that very random phone call. The funniest part was that I had worked earlier that same day and there was no inkling that that'd happen 🤣.

Here's the point of this piece. During that time away from the company and being randomly fired from a job (one that had nothing to do with my calling) The Lord set up a tailor-made connection and career opportunity for me. It happened effortlessly and seamlessly. Not only did this new venture replace my old provision (that IS A WORD) it also placed me in a unique hub within my industry. Fast forward to today. As I walked into the dance building and back to change for class I noticed a magazine subscription laying on one of the benches on the first floor. When I realized which magazine it was I had a moment with God. I could not contain my smile nor could I ignore the pieces God connected for me as I stood there in awe. Such a full-circle moment! The very place that forced me out subscribes to a magazine of a corporation God has placed me in. In that moment I was also comforted by God... how sweet.

"I'm changing levels"

The Magazine I saw

Me, at work this Summer for the same corporation

Different Hair In Ballet

 Sometimes when I scroll through insta I come across those posts that makes me think of everything dance has given me. From the raw and intrigued days at Parkway Middle, the deeply passionate days of undergrad, to today— the former days mixed with my greater understanding of what truly matters as an artists away from and on the stage. The two major subjects that have been bustling within social media, panel discussions and smaller group environments surround both equality and representation. I can easily dissect each of these but to narrow down for the sake of this piece I will tell you the subject of conversation that has left me with a clear understanding of both its beauty and place. 

Hair.

The more I develop in this passion of dance and gain clarity on where I see myself in its world, my stance of representation in the form of kinkier, more coily hair has blossomed. At one point in my life I assumed my hair could only be in a bun. Being that my love for dance began forming at the tender age of thirteen I assumed the only appropriate hairstyle for me was a slicked back bun. Do I love a slick back? ABSOLUTELY I DO! However, my hair can be classical ballet presentable in many ways than just that. Yes, your hair and my hair can both fit the mold and the "vibes".

Around 2020 I read posts that exclaimed the need for black ballet dancers to be able to wear our hair creatively and unrestricted. The overall theme of the various posts and articles were inclusion of black hair within ballet companies. At the surface it sounded alright but as I dug through explanations there was something deeper. Some conversations surrounding black hair seem to isolate black dancers in spaces they long to be accepted in. 

My thought is this:Yes! Our hair is different and we should not be excluded because of it, but that does not warrant hairstyles hat do not properly coincide with the aesthetic of classical ballet works. I, like many others, have been in situations where isolation has occurred due to the difference of my hair in comparison to my coworkers'. One day as I sat in the hallway watching a rehearsal a guest choreographer sat next to me and said "I did not choose you for this piece because you don' have long, flow-y hair". In that moment I was confused as to why she'd said that. Then, it stung a little. After that, I was okay. You know why? Because she was correct. My hair does not fall the way of the other dancers but the next time I can get me some cute, lightweight plaits that will allow for quick versatility!  The reality is, Ballet is just that genre that has a certain look. To be an artist that cares and respects your craft (words of advice from Sylvie Guillem's documentary) you must weight that fact. 

Here are a few ways my thoughts on black hair in ballet has evolved. As stated earlier, I once thought I could only wear a bun. Now, I have more styles to pull from after discovering that there are many ways to look "pulled". All styles may not be appropriate for all situations but their is "wiggle room". Last dance season I was the only black woman in my company. With most dancers wearing the cute top, flat buns or French twists, I at times felt that "it'd be great to be able to throw my hair up that way" but my hair doesn't fall that easily. So, I have a few creative ways to be aesthetically in line while staying true to myself. On the flip side, I have learned that having different hair is also never an excuse to not appropriately do my hair (I have seen that and it should never be an answer). Outside of my own hairstyles I have seen other black ballet artists rock their natural hair in a way that gave me so much more confidence!

Back in 2020 I took an online barre class with one of my favorite ballerinas, Katlyn Addison. She displayed  the mot incredible rotated legs I have ever seen. Her port de bra was crisp and her afro was out! That was the first time I saw a ballerina in an afro. It rocked my world! I think the vantage point I saw Katlyn from was one of integrity. Before that class I'd simply heard complaints about not being able to fully wear black hair in classical ballet spaces and the emphasis was placed on hairstyles more than the total artist. Why is wearing your hair any way you want to such a huge deal? is what I'd think reading certain things but when I saw Katlyn I simply saw a choice. Sometimes the volume of protest for black women in ballet can be overcome by cries that melt into exclusion when all anyone wants to do is be accepted. To do that, just be! That is what Katlyn taught me. You may not be able to go on stage dancing Juliet or Odette with Burgundy box braids or an afro but what does that matter when you love and respect your art. When you can and when it feels appropriate, go for it. As a black dancer you don't have to hide facets of yourself but everything doesn't always need to be on display to validate you being a black artist.

Today, Chyrstyn Fentroy posted a photo of herself on the way to teach Ballet, in her afro. She mentioned being asked if she was indeed teaching Classical Ballet because of her choice of hairstyle. Again, just be! That is what Chyrstyn was doing. After days and weeks of having your hair pulled back sometimes you want a break. While that should not cause people to second guess your abilities nor competence, we cannot help how others might perceive our hair differences. What matters most is your artistry and commitment to the work. Both Katlyn and Chrystyn are brilliant and strong principal ballerinas. It looks different when your stance is different. I have seen what I consider inappropriate hairstyles for work days and that would not be praised. The name of the game is being beautiful in your differences, respecting the craft you love and serving the work. 

Don't go anywhere looking crazy. Be presentable. "Show them how beautiful you are" (Arthur Mitchell). But don't make a habit of advocating for your hair more than you do, your work. Now, this isn't one of those "conversations" for those who may not have hair like us to chime in and try "understanding" us. This is for us. Not a piece of exclusion, but encouragement. Accept your difference amongst your coworkers and in your company. Love and respect your craft and dance on.

<3

Katlyn Addison, Ballet West Principal Artist (during ballet class) 

 Me, Trinity Cox, Columbia City Ballet Cort de Ballet Artist

Back After A Year & Some Months

 June 28-30.

My first week back in the building.

After a year and two months away from the studio I am preparing to be back in full swing!

In this piece I will be giving you all a quick overview of how those three days went for me. My goal is to document this entire experience. I believe we (The Church) are living in a time of massive and accelerated "Breakthroughs and Turnarounds"and I am a part of it!

I am currently on the phone with my friend and I said to him that sometimes we have to "till the ground". Being at this moment in time helps me understand that concept. The past 3 months have been exciting and new. From dancing as a guest artist and connecting with artist all across the entertainment industry, I never imagined that would be my reality after learning that I would have to miss what was to be my second season with my ballet company. Now, with God having had compressed the time, I am back! 

Going back into the building felt normal. You were probably expecting some dramatic and expressive sentence but it was just that. The part I was most excited about was being back in classes with my favorite teacher ever, Erin! She is AMAZING! It was not until after classes I had the realization that God is actually in the works of doing something extraordinary. I would be lying if I told you it'd be something I had never dreamed of because I am a BIG DREAMER. God is going to put extra, extra on it because he is God and He can certainly outperform my dreams. However, I won't be shocked because I have envisioned big things for my passion, calling and career for years! 

The most incredible part of this all is how God has kept my body. 

You know, you hear many "to-dos", "don'ts" and everything in between while navigating this industry but my experience has always been unconventional. I am very grateful to be in this position. What a time to be alive! 

 WOW!

Dancing In A Time Like This

(Originally published March 11, 2021) 

It's such a strange time. 

I never imagined having to dance through days like these. From internet panels to social media posts, the "name of the game" is survival. Whether it's companies working to translate their repertoire or theaters having to choose from housing artistic presentations or their doors remaining closed, mostly everyone seems to be in some sort of survival mode.

Me? 

When I think about dancing at a time like this I immediately recognize how blessed I truly am. Although my dancing, much like the majority, began at home, clutching a dining room chair, I have since then toured, danced in multiple theaters and moved to a completely new state. This entire transition has been exciting. There is a part, however, that has been less than thrilling. 

While the world of dance is experiencing a shift, and maybe even finding new breath in this climate, the subtle whiff of racial isolation stands strong. With all that has been taking place within the last year, I have recently found it necessary to say that I've never been one to "dig" into the racial disparity of the dance life. However, when confronted with issues, it has almost felt as a duty to experience, assess and handle each situation as they come. 

No.

Every situation does not warrant my response but every one of them was deserving of my fullest attention.   The questionable situations I have experienced within the past four months have heightened my awareness of the uneven playing field black women start off of on, in the dance world. I have become more insightful as I think about my part; "taking in" those tough moments so other black dancers who will follow in my footsteps can walk with their chests lifted and heads held high. 

While this is still a weird time for dance, it is a very real time for me. As a dancer, right now, I bask in the beauty of my passion, and the reality of my difference. While many are longing to get back to the camaraderie that is being within a company or even on projects together, I enter my workspace daily never feeling a part unless I barge my way in. While the world grasps for comfort in every waking word of their local news anchors, I go throughout my workspace sometimes having to swallow the words of others for the sake of Godliness (which is greatest) and my responsibility as a trailblazer. Thousands of people across the world feel as though life is passing them by as they sit home and reminisce about their favorite hangout. Most days, I spend the day dancing, pondering how none of the uncomfortable moments have to get me down because I am simply "jete-ing", by. There have been days where I've reminisced on the explored lives of Janet Collins, Delores Brown, Joan Myers Brown, Raven Wilkinson, Misty Copeland, and much like their audacious hope and legendary careers, I too will occupy many more spaces.

...And much like this unforeseen time, I will conquer the days by keeping my dreams socially distant before me, while my hands and heart remain "disinfectant" clean. 

It is such a strange time.

A real time.

A legendary time.

Heaven YES, Hell NO

 Thursday February 25, 2022. It seems like a random date but it was actually unforgettable. That was the day I'd begin my newest job judging at dance competitions and attend an actual church service after about two years. 

One day during prayer service Pastor Jonathan Shuttlesworth, Revival Today Church, mentioned that he would be resuming his evangelistic endeavors and the first meeting would be in Jacksonville, FL! Immediately I knew I had to be in that meeting. Straightaway I headed to the grocery store to buy lemons (lol). My only goal was to get cash back to give the man of God. Evangelist Kofi, also of Revival Today Church had shared countless testimonies and stories surrounding honor and faith during morning prayer broadcasts. Getting this money out was a no-brainer. 

As is turned out, I had the most clutch schedule for judging that weekend. Landing in Jacksonville on Friday and not having to working until Saturday freed me up to do whatever I wanted. From the time my car got me to the hotel to getting another car for the meeting, time seemed to be moving quicker than I wanted. However, I had up my mind even if it meant leaving my sushi in the middle of the bed on a hotel towel I was going to church. Full of excitement I set my expectations before God. Not only was I looking forward to hearing the jokes in person but to receive an impartation from the powerful man of God. Two things were for certain. I wanted to have hands laid on me in prayer and I desperately wanted to be in the anointing that would be present. Guys, I felt like I was in a Ted Shuttlesworth book (The Camels are Coming). The presence of God was in the building! Everyone was standing, hands were lifted and sweet praises were being rendered unto God. I could feel the expectation of everyone in the building. It was amazing! I forgot to mention I planned on leaving the hotel at 6 because I NEEDED a seat up front. I was not breaking my YouTube streak to have nosebleed seats at a Jonathan Shuttlesworth meeting. So, my car picks me up at 6:30pm and I encouraged myself that it would all be fine. I arrive and the church is small. I laughed. God really cracked me up because at that very moment I KNEW Pastor Jonathan would see me from any angle. From that moment things only got better!

Let me start by giving props to the RT team. There were only a few representatives but you could feel them. By that I mean they were pure excellence. I sat at the end of a back row closest to the door so when they all walked in I was hype and inspired at the same time. How does your camera guy walk into a place that anointed? lol, it was amazing! The time comes for Pastor Jonathan to speak and I am already full of joy. The more he spoke the more full I became. I literally smiled like a crazy person because I couldn't believe I was there. I knew God had something great for me and nothing could convince me otherwise. Pastor Jonathan spoke on the rapture and got hype. Naturally I said, as I do at home when he revs up "THE DEVIL BACKS OFF TODAY FOR FREEEE IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST" because the word got really good! Something extra happens when you are physically in the building, receiving that anointing and hearing the word of God my faith was ignited and my intentionality was deepened. People need to know that Jesus is returning and salvation is mandatory to reign with Christ. 

As the service goes on I think to myself "I hope he prays for everyone.. He kinda always does that.. Nooo don't close out yet". As Pastor Jonathan goes back to the podium he leans over and says "I'm going to lay hands on everyone here". I was like "whaaaat!" God was showing out at this point. But truly, our faith pulls on God and brings manifestation to us. Our faith puts testimonies in our mouths. PJ mentioned how he knew people had come with [faith and] expectation. I was beyond grateful because I wouldn't have been able to make the Saturday Night Miracle Service. The entire church went outside as directed and we all had hands laid on us. I ended up leading the line somehow. Pastor Jonathan slapped my head (lol) and the Holy Spirit was present. I heard heavenly languages, crying, soft singing and laughter that seemed to never expire. It was incredible. I was also bit by a mosquito and that was the only time I let one off of the hook because I was having the time of my life!

When we returned inside it is time for offering. By that time I had asked God three times how could I put this money in Pastor Jonathan's hands. I just knew I was going to have to sit in the back of the church until they'd turn the lights off on me looking crazy talking about giving the pastor money. As they passed out envelopes I was a little confused. I purposefully took out $40 to touch Pastor Jonathan's hands. I passed the Revival Today envelopes down my row and kept faith because I KNEW what I wanted to do. God didn't orchestrate everything that happened up until then to leave this part out, was my belief. It turned out after service there was a line of people waiting to speak with Pastor. I leaned over and saw him sitting in a chair. I was so grateful because this was my time to shine! Unsure if I should open up with a joke or prayer (LOL) my only goal was to not bore him. He talks to thousands, maybe millions of people and I wanted my moment to stand out because I was giving from my heart. With the money I wrote a note on a hotel sticky sheet. When my turn came it was great! We chatted a bit and he actually knew who I was. That was pretty wild being that I just started rocking with RT during 21 days of fasting and prayer. When God repositioned my life to begin the 21 days I quickly realized how He was realigning and elevating my life and rank in the spirit. That Jacksonville meeting was a cherry on top!

I wanted to blog this to be a contributor. Months and even years from now people will read this and come into "contact" with yet another powerful man of God. Just as Jolynne Whittaker introduced me to Jonathan Shuttlesworth and he has brought me into the knowing of Dr. Rodney Howard Browne, Aimee McPherson, Bishop Oyedepo, Tiff Shuttlesworth, Ted Shuttlesworth, and he has brought me into more knowing of A.Allen, R.W Shambach and more through his books, I want people to read about Evangelist, Pastor Jonathan Shuttlesworth from my words and have an encounter with Jesus Christ. What a great man of God!

When he accepted my offering after our conversation, he received it with humility. The look on his face was full of gratitude. I was just blessed being able to give any gift to a servant of the most high God. Pastor Jonathan took the folded money and said "I receive it" and then "Here, take this". He took my right hand and blessed me, my year and my finances. I walked away so grateful to God. He exceeded my expectations.

As I headed to the edge of the road waiting for yet another car, full of God's goodness and faith on fire, my driver pulled up blasting 2000s R&B music and made it even more awkward because he let down the window to ask my name and then I had to open the door to get in😂😂😂

I echo the statement I made from my heart January 1, 2022. I never knew I could know God like this.

Purpose Awaits

There is no clever way to discuss the topic of purpose. 

Purpose is everything that has to do with our existence in The Earth. For the past four days God has been "hammering" the importance of purpose to me. With that He has expanded the revelation unto me. Sure! We've all heard this word and may have even listened to sermons surrounding it. But, do you truly understand just how important it is? PURPOSE IS NOT ONLY THE REASON YOU WERE CREATED BUT THE VERY ESSENCE THAT WILL CARRY YOU THROUGH LIFE MEANINGFULLY AND EFFECTIVELY FOR GOD'S PLANS TO PREVAIL.

Sometime last week I posted a tweet that I will never forget. "If someone told you to have a plan B, they probably don't know their purpose." That could not be further from the truth. We've all grown up hearing the importance of creating a stable life for ourselves. Today with social media being such a grand factor of  life that thought of creating a stable life is morphing more and more into self-sufficiency. So, we think of clever ways to accumulate money, who to tag in our posts for the hopes of being discovered or how to effectively brand ourselves through someone else's online programming. The detriment in taking these measures solely to ensure you keep money in the bank or that you get a big break is that it will all amount to precious time being wasted. Apart from God, we don't know who we are or what we were created to do.  I want to paint this picture for you. Having success in something isn't always an indicator of being in your purpose. We can engage in plenty of things that don't go horribly wrong. That does not mean we are doing what God purposed us to do.

Here's another thought. One reason it is vital to walk in your purpose is because there are literal souls that are attached to the work you have been called to do.  Sure, even waking in purpose will be enjoyable but beyond that our purpose serves! Had Jesus not answered the call to take on the sins of the world you and I would be in really bad shape. Get this, had He not answered the will of His Father there also would not have been a resurrection. That very act is the reason you and I, when we confess and believe on Jesus Christ, can be joint heirs of Christ and spend eternity in Heaven at the end of life. I know that was the most extreme example and that is how severe it is for you to walk out your God-ordained purpose. You have spiritual and natural gifts. Partner with God, spend time with Him, notice what pulls at your heart, what you can do for hours, where you feel most "alive" and discover your purpose. 

Think of this. There is an intense need for chairs. Schools, Maternity Units, Shopping Malls, Airports, but years ago the person who was given that idea just sat on it. They never paid attention to that pull in their mind and spirit to create a chair. Their focus was spent elsewhere. Now here we are years later having to enter public places sitting on floors, the backs of our shoes, our knees or some off-limits structure all because one person ignored a call. Being on Earth in 2022 may have caused your imagination to struggle with thinking on a world without chairs but that my friends is the sliver of intensity between living out your God-ordained purpose versus doing some successful things in life.

What ever it may be, lock in!

Purpose awaits!

Been Happening, Still Happening

 Contrary to the last year that has been raided by large and loud opinions on long-standing issues within the dance world, it has been happening for quite some time. Although Raven Wilkinson nor Delores Browne had the help of social media and it billions of overly-tentative users, even they had their bouts with some of the stigmas in dance culture. I know the increase of nationally publicized police brutality really took its stance from 2020 until now, but that was just the beginning. Amidst the scenery of nationally-syndicated protests came major reveals of injustice, institutional racism and at times, blatant disrespect from dancers all across the world. 

Allow me to begin by saying that I was not a fan of seeing all of this play out on social media. However, as life would have it, my own experiences had been happening right along with the stories that echoed through Tik-Tok, Instagram, Dance Magazine prose, and so on. My issue is that I personally find it irresponsible and unrelated to the art of dance to speak on things like hair styles and the color of tights if it is not actually affecting the art. After all, my preference even as a dark-skinned ballerina, should never trump the serving of this beautiful art form. I do believe, however, that being in an organization that does not celebrate the totality of its makeup does in fact compromise and affect the art of dance in some way. 

In a dance company, everyone will not be on the same level and not everyone will dance roles suitable for high ranking dancers. However, every dancer should be equally represented through the way the company broadcasts its organization, beliefs, values and intentions. On a "heavier scale", I have weighed the realities of my past few months spent in a company. It was an Instagram story post that made me realize I had never been reposted on my company's instagram story. Sounds small? not so much. As the only African-American woman during the company's last season, I believe my existence there was important to display,  even outside of the one time I was featured during the run of a ballet we did which was about the culture of a people with African American heritage. Why had I not been posted? Why was it almost impossible to know I was a part of the company unless you have a personal connection to me? (There were seriously times I'd be with co-workers grabbing lunch after a run and audience members congratulate us for a job well-done and not one would make eye contact with me.. but I digress)

At this very moment I am thinking of the young girls in the school who see me walk through the halls and follow mw on insta. I also think of the young girls who could have possibly been in the audience either night as I boldly took the stage. I am thinking of the time my director had to re-stage our Cinderella when a few girls in the corps were unable to perform. During those runs I was front and center. You think I found any photos, besides a full stage shot, of me, in character? Not at all. I am in no way blaming the photographer, per say, except making the point that my existence in the company was overall "flat". contrary to those things, I actually did not have a miserable time in the company. The inspiration for this writing piece is simply an extension of the awkward and ridiculous moments that have been taking place in companies every where, including my own. My goal or even solution is not to be in an "all black company". My goal is to continue the narrative  (because there really is no conversation) because it will make me stronger and perhaps one day, someone will "get it".

For the past few months, I've been in a place where I was tolerated but not really celebrated, watched but not cared for...

... Sometimes its the unfortunate turn of events that lead to divine propulsion.

Here's To being brave. 

I Mean, Really?

  I know how it feels to have a huge dilemma in front of you. I also know how it feels to have that dilemma circle your career. In the 12 minutes that I sat on the second floor listening, posing questions and speaking my honest viewpoints, I realized the difference between that dilemma circling my career as opposed to my passion.

Most people think of passion and equate it exclusively to their ability to grind. They think the passion they have is authenticated with their decision to "take no days off" and push the limits of their bodies. Some even look at passion as doing whatever they must to stay "on top". With social media being the greatest platform for exposure before integrity, most have begun to view passion as obsolete. Not many people are willing to count up the cost that may come along with the craft, which can be in The Arts or sports, they claim to be dedicated to. What happens when you are met with a dilemma that forces your true response? What stance do you take when your response can cause a temporary chance of direction for you?

Here's an example. I am sure the average person has watched or even binged (like me) CW's All American. There have been memes and videos galore making hilarious jokes on characters, Spencer and Coop but the second half of season three was intensely insightful. I felt them. So, my example is of Spencer. Do you remember when he was determined to stand for what mattered to him regardless of the majority? He felt strongly about doing what it took to shift a culture, a people, no matter the consequences. Well, as it went, (spoiler alert, spoiler alert), not only did Spencer take his stand but his bravery reverberated throughout his own team, as well as other football programs. Spencer's stand changed minds within his immediate connection, which also caused rules and regulation to HAVE TO shift.

So, this is what I mean, a lot of athletes and artists think they are passionate and do not realize true passion transcends the perfection of your craft. I love the line from All American's Homecoming episode. Homegirl told Simone "I'm not [helping you], I'm helping the sport I love. I felt that on so many levels. Sometimes your passion looks like removing yourself from an atmosphere that cannot suit your needs or beliefs. Sometimes your passion looks like saying what you really know to be the truth about a sport or art even though it directly goes against its current and fickle climate. 

Not many athletes and artists are willing to truthfully confront that circling dilemma because the cost just may be temporary discomfort. It's like that episode of The Game, yes, that was my show. Blue did not support nor did he feel comfortable with the statement of the team's general manager. His stance? "HOLD THE LINE!". Sure, he was aware of the position that would put the team but not only did his passion show how much he loved the game but its overall function. How many can say they cannot be bribed or bought against their thoughts or beliefs?  Blue was a leader. I can relate to that one hundred percent.

By now I'm sure you can tell that I have been faced with a dilemma of my own. My God-given realization is that no one can truly dictate the path or potency of my career. While they may be able to make certain decisions, My God is the ultimate decision-maker. I AM willing to feel the temporary discomfort (if I may even call it that. I am not at all uncomfortable) in a sliver of my career because my tried and tested  passion is the truth of who I am as an artist. I know my place in this industry.

Until God gives me my marching orders I will be content with not losing to my dilemma.

Beautifully Placed.

The most fitting way I can find to begin this post is with a quote that was spoken to me from the resilient, legendary ballerina, Delores Browne, Ballet Americana 1955, later named New York Negro Ballet.

"You have to believe that you belong where you want to be."


I do not aim to justify the ballet culture surrounding treatment often given to African American dancers—  and most certainly—  I must stick with dancer because that is the "tribe" I am a part of. It is most definitely no secret that black dancers in ballet have had quite a time endeavoring to do what they love, just as the next person. Prejudice, racism and passive aggressive behavior are some things that have, for many, many, many year come with the art of classical ballet, delivered by African American women (again, I will speak from this angle because I, myself am a young woman). Although these facts can date back to the 40s, they are still very prevalent and have not gotten that much better. I am resolved however, that there is a way to exist and thrive in this rigid climate , in all of your glory.

I am not that old in age but I have indeed experienced the "sting" of systematic and institutional racism in the ballet and theatre world. Does it "bite”? most certainly! There have been times I had not realized what  had happened until I felt undermined after the fact. It is a real, thing! It is not right but is a reality. So, how do you dwell in atmospheres that are not inviting and still bring your best self? How do you confidently "perform" while you're being surrounded by "side-eyes" and "wondering eyes" ? I can think back to a day I eagerly went into a ballet class as preparation for an upcoming conference. Of course I entered that space knowing that I would be the minority (I was the only black girl) but I had no preconceived notion about how I would be treated or how I could go amongst the other dancers with a chip on my shoulder and a "wall" up. It was not until something happened that I was dropped into the tidal wave reality that screams, and sometime stalkingly whipers “You're black, you don't belong here. She's black. does she belong here?".

Fast forward to the time in 2019 that I engaged with a ballet company as a guest artist, and excitedly, might I add. I had just finished up a guest artist residency with a different company and preforming in a show with a company I was actually a part of, as one of its company artists. I was ready! It is pretty interesting to note that my initial interaction with this company was strictly that of taking morning class. I had done that about two or three times before the Artistic Director presented me with an offer to join their production of The Nutcracker. With consultation of The Lord, my mentor and parents, I accepted the offer and the process of class and rehearsals had begun. Again, I want to reiterate that I have never (this instance being no different) entered spaces that make me the minority, with preconceived notion or intentional intense "vibes". Of course, by that time I was very well aware of the reality of the ballet world as it relates to me and my kind, but that is always the least of my focus. As scheduled days began, almost immediately I noticed the hesitation some dancers had when I said "Good morning!". The sly anticipation of some dancers waiting to see me go across the floor and be inserted into sections of the ballet was a little awkward. It was all very noticeable but quite flattering, honestly. It was not until I was placed with a partner for the Arabian section of the ballet, those "whispers" translated to my feelings of inadequacy. I had to fight that! By that time I had experienced being spoken to as if I had no knowledge of partnering or the art of ballet—and get this— the director actually watched my partner "throw" me around and did not correct him, or "defend" me (I quote that because that is not the main issue. I need no defending because the work is what would inevitably suffer, behind a complacent and snarly director with hidden motive and feeing toward the black girl. How unfortunate). If that was not enough, I had also been spoken to, by the director in a manner that was condescending and made painfully obvious that he did not expect me to speak with industry jargon, professionalism, expertise or experience. One day during rehearsal, the Lord literally said to me "Trinity! Know Who You Are". God was giving me a "crash-course" into seeing myself as the person He made me to be, seeing myself as He sees me, and knowing beyond what anyone can ever say to me or endeavor to make me feel, that I was created to dance; and that indeed I BELONG HERE AND THERE!

To round this all off, I want you to know that I left from working with that company, kept my purpose but made my mark and made myself extremely proud of myself. It was not my first “rodeo” within a predominantly white company or cast, and it will not be my last. It is not most effective to share these encounters and remain secluded. No one has the power to keep me away from where I believe I belong. I will continue to go into space where opportunity is created and when I happen to me the only one, I will stand tall and remember what Delores Browne and my Lord spoke to me.

I hope I am not misquoting what has become an extremely famous saying in today's culture—  I also hope that it can be translated to this world, my world...

The Marathon Continues...

Signed,

Yes! Alvin Ailey

Am I the only one feeling like 2020 just began and, somehow it is already February ? Personally, the anticipation of this new decade sent me into a deep focus and powerful preparation. To my expectancy, that form of equipping has already begun to bare fruit, brining along with it, major surprises. This post is about the time I took company class with The Alvin Ailey American Dance Theatre.

Allow me to preface this "journey" by exclaiming how incomparably mind-blowing Christ Jesus is. I know that He has a plan for me; He certainly has one for you as well. The way He is able to orchestrate a thing when we are ready, prepared and tried, is on another level. That being acknowledged, one of my "pop up" blessings occurred the week of January 26th, in New York City. 

Plans and travel arrangements to arrive in NYC had been made weeks in advance and that included me departing way before my interaction with Alvin Ailey American Dance Theatre. I mean, clearly, I had one specific plan and in typical "God-fashion", He had many others (I am only sharing one that occurred). On a Tuesday it was evident that I would be in the City for longer that anticipated so I reached out to an artist I admire, inquiring about any classes in the area. She mentioned that her company (AAADT) has company class but typically does not allow anyone in, pre-tour week but that she would ask for me. I asked the Lord for the same favor He'd given me a few weeks prior in Philadelphia (attending IABD).  I wanted to get into class for the same reason most dancers do, but I have to admit, being in that particular class would mean so much more to me. Well, the next morning came and I had not heard back from my artist friend. I didn't sweat it. The following morning I woke up to a series of messages that basically said "You're in!.. see you in the a.m.".

The most important thing to note is that I was certainly ready to be in that room. Physically, mentally and as far as experience goes, I was totally, more than ready. I did however, make it a point to talk to God, asking Him to help me walk into and dwell in that room/atmosphere in all of my confidence and Holy Ghost assurance. It was not an option to cower away. As it goes, I was escorted up to the sixth floor (reserved only for the company while in residence), accidentally met the instructor for the day's ballet class, met Clifton Brown through pre-class conversation and literally soaked up each moment. Large, open windows, feet and feet of grey Marley, Jessica Pinkett-Smith on the opposite side of the barre, Jacqueline Green to my right and company members all about. Those minutes were so pure and felt more peaceful than overwhelming. If I can say it this way, I was not trippin'. Alvin Ailey American Dance Theatre was my first and most honest introduction to true dance art. I knew I belonged in those rooms.

Things that happened during class time were confirming but that is what God does. He will give us glimpses, notices or even whispers to allow us the privilege of knowing that we are right where He will have us to be. God's orchestration, our work. It's like the great Kobe Bean Bryant once said "I know the time is going to come because I'm gonna keep knocking at the door... [and when it happens] it won't be a surprise because I've seen it [in] here..." *points to mind. points to heart*

2019, Thank You !

As I sat here at least ten minutes before actually typing anything, I thought about what direction this post should take. There is so much I could say. Although we have just one full day of year 2019 remaining, I've gotta say, I am feeling pretty reminiscent in this moment. It literally feels like we were just getting all hype for 2019. During that time, I was in Greenville, South Carolina. The traffic to get inside of the Church's parking lot was insane, anticipation of the new year's treasure filled the air, confetti was falling and then I find myself eating the cutest chicken n' waffles slider with some fruit. LOL. Definitely enjoyed that part. Point being, his year sped by!

During this post I may speak on a few things, but I would love to point out a valuable lesson 2019 taught me. That lesson was to simply trust the process. Not to only just trust the process but to trust God's process. It is extremely easy to be pulled and tugged in directions that seem to be best; but truth is, only being led by God will yield the greatest results. I cannot tell you the amount of times, throughout this year God has led me down pathways that seemed, in the beginning, completely useless or counterproductive. Regardless, those time always yielded "full circle" moments that always happened quicker than quick.  I was able to see how powerful and intentional God is. I was able to see that His most perfect will manifesting is dependent upon of my surrender. This year also produced more tears than usual, much fight, revelation, insight, moments of weakness and then God's perfect strength. If you have yet to come up with a word for my 2019 yet, let me help you: BOOTCAMP! The year has indeed been beautifully challenging.

Another valuable lesson I learned this year was to trust who God made me to be/learn to see myself the way He sees me, specifically pertaining to my career. I am just one year out of college and the amount of networking, exposure, opportunities and connections I have stepped into was just plain ole WILD!!!, the highlight being, guesting at Collage Dance Collective. The way CDC changed my life is overwhelmingly refreshing, and indicative of the large amount of awesome that is to come.

Speaking of to come, I *jazz walk* into a brand new decade with my head held high. Expectations are through the sky and my dependency on Christ Jesus will be there every step of the way. Goodbye 2019. Hello, BRAND NEW DIMENSION!!!!!!!!!!

Year 2020 is the year of the impossible, my BREAKOUT year, ALL NEW EVERYTHING year. Thank you Jesus.! <3