Sooooooooo, in March of 2017, myself and my partner Brandon (Quick S/O. Hey love.) were making our way to the American College Dance Festival (ACDF) for the third year. It was sort of wild because when we first attended the conference, the acronym was ACDFA, American College Dance Festival Association and now I believe it has been shortened again. Just a quick fun fact. Anyway, Brandon and I were on our way to the festival and we were both excited because these types of things are always a breath of fresh air. During this particular conference, you meet and reconnect with dance students all across the region. We take classes together, attend dance shows, network and eat... the most important part. What made that year's attendance highly anticipated is that Brandon and I would be dancing our pas de deux section from a ballet choreographed by James Atkinson, Purple Rain. Not only would I be dancing en pointe (something not seen at the conference), but this was a ballet number. NO ONE PERFORMS A BALLET PIECE AT ACDA. By the time we began rehearsals for the conference we had already performed this work during the run of the BFA Fall Concert. It was nothing new! But, oddly enough (or strategically enough) there was a moment during preparation when things blew up and shut down. All of a sudden weight distribution was off, trust had broken down, partnering was not seamless and the attempts to mend the entire situation deemed itself useless. Guys, at this point I was completely over the piece. I no longer cared to present this beautiful work but became satisfied with simply attending the conference. WHAT WAS GOING ON???? Fast forward to Brandon and I not seeing eye-to-eye and basically attempting to give up— our professor had to talk sense into us.
I wanted so badly to accept his words and allow them to wash away all nervousness and fear but I felt crippled by the thoughts of all that would (it's so crazy how we can count ourselves out before we even get in the game) go wrong and the mindset that I was not good enough. Somehow my attempt to ignore the painful feelings had worked long enough to get me to the next step: Rehearsal on site. Around day 2 of he conference our professor set up a rehearsal and guys, I had a nervous break down, anxiety attack or something. That thing was spiritual. At that point, I felt completely lost! Growing up in dance, and even at this point in my collegiate journey, I was never the hopeless type. Even when I knew I didn't have as much pointe training as other girls, I would always stand tall. Most times, honestly, I would fake it until I could make it (that groomed me as well). That was not the case when it was time to rehearse. I remember walking out of the main building and just walking aimlessly on campus. At some point I sat down. Looking back, God really poured into me because I was at a lost for words, confidence and passion, to say the least.
It is important to note that before we even hit the stage, I could have sank into the pressure of the matter. Sometimes, unknowingly, we can throw in the towel when God is trying to stretch us. Some things are imperative to feel and experience because without them, where is the authority and power? Like the ending of the darkest hour, the sun peaks through the horizon. Here is my thought on that statement. There are stages to nighttime. Sometimes you actively see the sun going down and sometimes you look up and it's dark. While the darkness may alter the way you move, it does not paralyze you. We watch television, scroll IG, maybe cook something; but our worlds do not come to a hault when darkness falls (I feel this). After doing all you feel like doing or all you can do, you began to prepare for rest. Sometimes we don't sleep as great as we would like and other times it feels like the best thing ever. One thing we can count on, no matter our "dark experience", is that we will soon see the sun again.
Much like the sun that rises with newness of mercies, and a clean slate, moments before it was time for Brandon and I to hit the stage, we tightly embraced. We loved on one another and we knew that dawn broke, that what we were about to do would be nothing short of historical.
