Well, Would You Look At That

I used to think that in order for me to "make it" in the dance world I had to do certain things, go certain places, and look a certain way. It always seemed like this unspoken obvious fact; that if you did not do this or that, go here or there, look this specific way, you either weren't a dancer or would not be a dancer. I can look back now and see how my budding passion for dance was almost snatched right from under me due to the ridiculous pressures of high school.

The dancer with the heart, enthusiasm and vibrant daydreams of her future was who I was. Sure, I could picture myself of big stages, doing the most incredible things and being most beautiful because my heart was there. It was just that when it came to execution or looking in the mirror, I only saw this faux-confident version of who I really wanted to become. So, what really happened? I became lost in my crowd of friends and what they were doing or not doing and honestly lost sight of me. Basically, your girl became a follower. It is so wild to even think about because today, I am the complete opposite. During the high school years of my life, there were a few things that happened and could have easily deterred my dreams of becoming a world-renowned dance artist. Sure, I have endured the bits of discouragement from teachers, feelings of inferiority due to not being able to go to the summer intensives my friends attended, isolation due to knowing deep down that I was different from those I surrounded myself with and the occasional hurts from being called out because a certain teacher saw in me what I could not fully see in myself. Much of what I experienced was designed to "stunt my growth" so to speak, or even break me completely. I am so glad God held me.

Fast forward, it is quite hilarious how through all of that and more, the Lord always maneuvered in a way that protected my hearts' deepest desires. After all, with dreams as large as mine, there was going to have to be some fighting, kicking, travailing and trailblazing! Eventually (college), I got to the point where I began morphing into who God would need me to be for who He has called me to be. And surprise, surprise, I actually hate being like anyone else. I purposely do things opposite of the crowd (most times it is my natural judgment [the way God created me] that leads me to choices). To date, my resume/ how it came about, is actually the opposite of one who is successful in the dance world (and still growing), and I absolutely DO NOT like looking like other dancers. I am also not a fan of trying to "look the part" My focus has grown into being the part since authenticity is the truth and it sustains. It can never be duplicated. Gratefully, while molding me on this journey, the Lord showed me who Trinity is as an artist, down to the clothing, and is still revealing that to me. He is sort of clutch like that; always doing 2278292002 things at once.

Anyway, this post was sort of a patchwork of reflection. As always, I pray this encourages you. I look forward to the many other adventures this life will take me on because in all honesty...

She was born to dance.

Decisions, Decisions...

Sometimes you have to do the hard things in order to lay hold of the best things. You may be wondering, "What exactly is the best thing for me?". We can often make the mistake of equating any form of success, to destiny or purpose. However, I have learned that while a good thing brings good things, and even good feelings, a good thing does not always mean a "God thing". The very best decisions we make in life will always be the decisions that are "God-approved" and often "Man-confused". Towards the end of my collegiate years, I can remember having to make some decisions that some people did not understand. It was a bit tough, ignoring the inevitable "tug" of many, many opinions especially when you are getting established. Oh yea, if you don't know, I devoted my college years to the craft of dance and am now a professional dancer. So, yes! opinions!!!!!! There seemed like so many of them. I had to, however, go with the BEST—God's approval. So far, His judgment has not led me wrong (are you surprised?). I am in awe at the trajectory of my life and career, since about two days post-grad (lol! that is an accurate count). And, in typical "God-fashion", I am not surprised that more recently, I had to make another tough decision.

A little under a month ago, I was headed from one state to another, to dance in a ballet. Since I knew that I would be in town for a bit, I decided to stay in class (class=IMPORTANT). After one class the director (separate from the original reason I came to this state) made his interest in me, for his company's upcoming production, clear. Almost immediately I knew that I wanted to participate because I would be dancing in the meantime. Fast-forward, I told the director "yes" but with growing reservations as the days went by. As it would turn out, the atmosphere was rigid, at times, I felt belittled because I am black (that feeling was being projected onto me from some of my counter-parts), my dance partner was not supportive or concerned about our process and my growing suspicions had been consistent. Okay! that may have been a lot to take in but I want to paint the clearest picture, possible. In the midst of all of that, I was informed that I would not be compensated. I spoke with the director in candid concern and then was offered very little monetary compensation for a multi-city show, including rehearsals in and out of the theatre, and travel. Before I made my final decision (after two days of official rehearsal), I was challenged internally to not only stand up for myself but also to fight for the artist I have become. Confrontation is not easy for everyone and sometimes we would rather stay in an undesirable situation than to make clear our needs or simply move on. Boldly, I did both.

Coming to that conclusion was not been easy for me at all but making that tough decision lifted a weight off of my shoulders, preserved my career, made way for "God Opportunities and made me my own hero.


**In my previous post, I discussed the importance of the black dance community and that blog was inspired by this same situation. Give it a read!

Dancing Black

I want to talk about the importance of black dance community. The art of dance is so beautifully crafted. It creates vulnerability and a sense of belonging. Speaking from a personal standpoint,  when I dance, there is this feeling of completeness. It is as if every part of me has come together, creating the fullness of who I was truly created to be. Dance, however, is also hard. Hard on the body, sometimes the mind and other times, your perspective. Much of my journey, up until last month, had caused my perspective of self to deprecate.

I had been in so many atmospheres, all vastly different, in a five-month span—somehow they all caused me to question my validity as an artist. Did I really have a space in this world of dance? Would I ever be taken seriously? Will I ever really become the artist I’ve always (literally) daydreamed about? Some places and situations were overwhelmingly arrogant and demeaning—others, racially charged (which was a bit much for me swallow when I came face to face with so much of it at once). There were genuine moments of struggle and those would be the times I gleaned from historical knowledge of Alvin Ailey, Janet Collins, Arthur Mitchell, Delores Brown, Raven Wilkinson...

Hope came alive as I would envision and think on those legendary black bodies and the shoulders I am now standing on. There were times I thought to myself, “If they can do it, so can I”. It was not until October 2019 that I witnessed a true and authentic “black bodies experience”; I’ll call it. Last month I was granted the incredible opportunity to Guest with Memphis’ Collage Dance Collective (I will spare you from all details because this blog will NEVER end. Lol) and it CHANGED MY LIFE. That sounds dramatic, right? Good! It was that dramatic!!! I now had a personal experience and living support system alongside the dance greats we know and love. For the first time, I felt comforted, safe, cared for and empowered. The black dance community is a force because a systematic dance world forced (and continues to, in some fashion) us into exclusivity. That made us huddle together and do what we know we could because our eyes and hearts were set on a goal, dream, vision. The black dance community is no stranger to isolation or bias opinion. Worn with pride and understanding and are the miscalculated rejections, along with strength, honor, and perseverance. The question of our competence and the love/hate relationship with our bodies and, because it doesn't quite add up with our abilities (according to some), is just one more reason why the black dance community is strength and refuge. Now, my understanding is deeper.

I will say, from the legends to Collage Dance Collective, the black dance community embraces and equips. Now, when I am in those rigid atmospheres, I can think on Lauren Anderson, Milton Myers, Paunika Jones, Kevin Thomas, and charge on...