Been Happening, Still Happening

 Contrary to the last year that has been raided by large and loud opinions on long-standing issues within the dance world, it has been happening for quite some time. Although Raven Wilkinson nor Delores Browne had the help of social media and it billions of overly-tentative users, even they had their bouts with some of the stigmas in dance culture. I know the increase of nationally publicized police brutality really took its stance from 2020 until now, but that was just the beginning. Amidst the scenery of nationally-syndicated protests came major reveals of injustice, institutional racism and at times, blatant disrespect from dancers all across the world. 

Allow me to begin by saying that I was not a fan of seeing all of this play out on social media. However, as life would have it, my own experiences had been happening right along with the stories that echoed through Tik-Tok, Instagram, Dance Magazine prose, and so on. My issue is that I personally find it irresponsible and unrelated to the art of dance to speak on things like hair styles and the color of tights if it is not actually affecting the art. After all, my preference even as a dark-skinned ballerina, should never trump the serving of this beautiful art form. I do believe, however, that being in an organization that does not celebrate the totality of its makeup does in fact compromise and affect the art of dance in some way. 

In a dance company, everyone will not be on the same level and not everyone will dance roles suitable for high ranking dancers. However, every dancer should be equally represented through the way the company broadcasts its organization, beliefs, values and intentions. On a "heavier scale", I have weighed the realities of my past few months spent in a company. It was an Instagram story post that made me realize I had never been reposted on my company's instagram story. Sounds small? not so much. As the only African-American woman during the company's last season, I believe my existence there was important to display,  even outside of the one time I was featured during the run of a ballet we did which was about the culture of a people with African American heritage. Why had I not been posted? Why was it almost impossible to know I was a part of the company unless you have a personal connection to me? (There were seriously times I'd be with co-workers grabbing lunch after a run and audience members congratulate us for a job well-done and not one would make eye contact with me.. but I digress)

At this very moment I am thinking of the young girls in the school who see me walk through the halls and follow mw on insta. I also think of the young girls who could have possibly been in the audience either night as I boldly took the stage. I am thinking of the time my director had to re-stage our Cinderella when a few girls in the corps were unable to perform. During those runs I was front and center. You think I found any photos, besides a full stage shot, of me, in character? Not at all. I am in no way blaming the photographer, per say, except making the point that my existence in the company was overall "flat". contrary to those things, I actually did not have a miserable time in the company. The inspiration for this writing piece is simply an extension of the awkward and ridiculous moments that have been taking place in companies every where, including my own. My goal or even solution is not to be in an "all black company". My goal is to continue the narrative  (because there really is no conversation) because it will make me stronger and perhaps one day, someone will "get it".

For the past few months, I've been in a place where I was tolerated but not really celebrated, watched but not cared for...

... Sometimes its the unfortunate turn of events that lead to divine propulsion.

Here's To being brave. 

I Mean, Really?

  I know how it feels to have a huge dilemma in front of you. I also know how it feels to have that dilemma circle your career. In the 12 minutes that I sat on the second floor listening, posing questions and speaking my honest viewpoints, I realized the difference between that dilemma circling my career as opposed to my passion.

Most people think of passion and equate it exclusively to their ability to grind. They think the passion they have is authenticated with their decision to "take no days off" and push the limits of their bodies. Some even look at passion as doing whatever they must to stay "on top". With social media being the greatest platform for exposure before integrity, most have begun to view passion as obsolete. Not many people are willing to count up the cost that may come along with the craft, which can be in The Arts or sports, they claim to be dedicated to. What happens when you are met with a dilemma that forces your true response? What stance do you take when your response can cause a temporary chance of direction for you?

Here's an example. I am sure the average person has watched or even binged (like me) CW's All American. There have been memes and videos galore making hilarious jokes on characters, Spencer and Coop but the second half of season three was intensely insightful. I felt them. So, my example is of Spencer. Do you remember when he was determined to stand for what mattered to him regardless of the majority? He felt strongly about doing what it took to shift a culture, a people, no matter the consequences. Well, as it went, (spoiler alert, spoiler alert), not only did Spencer take his stand but his bravery reverberated throughout his own team, as well as other football programs. Spencer's stand changed minds within his immediate connection, which also caused rules and regulation to HAVE TO shift.

So, this is what I mean, a lot of athletes and artists think they are passionate and do not realize true passion transcends the perfection of your craft. I love the line from All American's Homecoming episode. Homegirl told Simone "I'm not [helping you], I'm helping the sport I love. I felt that on so many levels. Sometimes your passion looks like removing yourself from an atmosphere that cannot suit your needs or beliefs. Sometimes your passion looks like saying what you really know to be the truth about a sport or art even though it directly goes against its current and fickle climate. 

Not many athletes and artists are willing to truthfully confront that circling dilemma because the cost just may be temporary discomfort. It's like that episode of The Game, yes, that was my show. Blue did not support nor did he feel comfortable with the statement of the team's general manager. His stance? "HOLD THE LINE!". Sure, he was aware of the position that would put the team but not only did his passion show how much he loved the game but its overall function. How many can say they cannot be bribed or bought against their thoughts or beliefs?  Blue was a leader. I can relate to that one hundred percent.

By now I'm sure you can tell that I have been faced with a dilemma of my own. My God-given realization is that no one can truly dictate the path or potency of my career. While they may be able to make certain decisions, My God is the ultimate decision-maker. I AM willing to feel the temporary discomfort (if I may even call it that. I am not at all uncomfortable) in a sliver of my career because my tried and tested  passion is the truth of who I am as an artist. I know my place in this industry.

Until God gives me my marching orders I will be content with not losing to my dilemma.